WILL BRENNAN, an ex-federal drug agent in his late forties, is recently widowed and has retired to his ranch near a rural North Texas town.  Recently resigned from the Agency, he wants nothing but to be left alone.

Rumors persist, however, that Will has several million dollars of Colombian drug money stashed somewhere on his ranch, loot that he was supposed to have taken during an aborted drug bust.  As the story goes, by an over enthusiastic news reporter, Will dares not bank that kind of money  for fear of arousing suspicion, therefore he must have it hidden on his ranch.  Finding that no one really believes his denials, he has finally given up trying to convince anyone of the truth and has become something of a recluse, preferring to keep to himself and mind his own business.

ENTER THE ANTAGONISTS.

DEL COMPTON and MARV TROUT are losers, because they've always been a shade crooked.  Del has been trying, unsuccessfully, to run a mechanic's garage, but has practically put himself out of business by his belligerent behavior toward customers, his use of inferior parts and the substandard quality of his work.  Also he has something of a drinking problem.  His buddy and shadow, Marv Trout, is out of the same mold, except not as aggressive.  He worships Del and is completely subservient to him and it could be said that his bread wasn't real done.  Wherever Del leads,  Marv will follow.

LOYCE KANFIELD is a good looking woman in her thirties to whom circumstances have not been kind.  Abused by her father when she was a child and abandoned at the age of fourteen, she has been forced to fend for herself all her life.  At present she works as a waitress/barmaid at a local bar and grill,  "The Fried Pie", frequented by Del and Marv.  She is Del's girlfriend.  Together, the three of them have long dreamed of pulling off the "big score", of somehow finding that magic solution to all their problems, instant wealth.

Then Del hears about Will Brennan and his purported stash.  It sounds like the answer to their prayers.  They immediately formulate a scheme.

Loyce will endeavor, by a somewhat unimaginative ruse, to meet Will and by turning on her considerable charm, get him to fall in love with her.  Will, they figure, being a vigorous outdoor type and undoubtedly lonely, is bound to surrender to her spell.

That accomplished, Loyce will find out where Will keeps his treasure, whereupon the trio of schemers will rob him and leave for parts unknown.  After all, what can Will do about it?  He doesn't dare go to the police.  It will be the perfect crime.
 
 
 

For a day or two, Del and Marv spy on Will's place, finally deciding time is ripe to act.  Later that day, Loyce breaks down on the road leading past Will's ranch and walks up to his house to use the phone.  Will offers to drive her to work.  At the "Fried Pie", Will  doesn't like the way a  drunken Del is treating Loyce and the fight is on.  Will thoroughly embarrasses Del with an effortless thrashing.

Del and Marv go out to OZZIE ENLOW'S "America First Combat Group" survivalist camp (tongue in cheek) to enlist Ozzie and his three followers Boyd, Jessie and Luke, whose combined IQ approaches that of a refrigerator light bulb, to assist him in getting Will's illegal treasure.  He sets up Ozzie and his men as PLAN C if Loyce fails.

After a few simple, pleasant dates with Will, horseback rides, walks in the woods, etc., Loyce if forced to face the facts; she is in love with this kind, lonely man.  Against her will, she begins to dream of marrying will and settling down with him on his ranch.  To Loyce, it is a palace, and she is a princess.

Finally, she informs Del and Marv that she can't go through with it, the deal is off.  Infuriated, Del starts to abuse her, but Will has taught her a few self defense moves and Del gets all he can handle.  He takes her car keys and he and Marv head to Ozzie's to enact Plan C.  Will comes by her mobile home a short while later worried about her and they go back to his ranch.

Back at the ranch, Loyce admits the whole scheme and her part in it.  Unexpectedly, to her, Will had already figured out the scheme, but forgives her.  She warns Will that they are coming to torture him into telling where the money is.  He laughs and informs her there is no money; never was.  He survives on a government pension and his house and the land were acquired with a modest inheritance left him by his grandmother a few year previous.

Loyce tells him Del will never believe it; he is too desperate for money, to believe anything he doesn't want to believe.

Will prepares for the attack with the help of Loyce.  They booby trap the whole ranch and are ready when Del, Marv and their four stooges, arrive.

Will leaves Loyce in the main house for her safety, while he leads the attackers off into the woods.

Del and Marv, along with Ozzie, who fancies himself another George Patton, and his stooges lay chase.  These guys are so stupidly macho, they are ridiculous, which leads to many humorous scenes during this sequence.

Will, having grown sick of killing and violence during his drug fighting days, really doesn't want to kill anyone.  So, armed with only a "RED RIDER" BB GUN and a BB pistol, he leads them on a wild and comic chase.

Marv he gets entangled in Will's electric stock fence, leaving him with a permanent "tick and a buzz", two others he pelts with BBs , while they yelp and duck, convinced they are being stung by "invisible bees or no-see-ems".  Ozzie and the other "soldier", Jessie, the only female member of the group, he leads into a mud bog where they sink up to their knees.  They are trapped.  "Tell me again about all this firepower you were talking about!", says Del,  "Hell," says Ozzie, "we got AK47s, MAC 10s and Uzzis!"  "Yeah?"  Del sneers disdainfully.  "Well, that ain't enough.  This sonofabitch is armed with a  RED RYDER BB gun!"

Finally, after many close calls and narrow escapes, Will is exhausted and has twisted his ankle.  He has now captured all four of the survivalists and placed them in a dark metal granary.  Will's two hundred pound Mastiff dog (Sir Morgan) has caught "ticking and buzzing" Marv.  The only one still after him is Del.  By this time Del is determined to kill Will.  He comes darn close to doing it.

He jumps Will from ambush.  Will is so exhausted and hampered by his ankle, he can barely fight.  Del finally has him pinned to the ground, when Loyce rushes up and drops a grenade down Del's collar.  The grenade is only a dummy from Will's desk, but  Del doesn't know that and panics becoming totally unglued.  Turning loose of Will, he jumps around screaming hysterically, trying to get the grenade out of his shirt.  Loyce picks up a limb and swings it like a major league batter, cold cocking Del.

At the trial, JUDGE SAM CHISHOLM, after appointing Will acting sheriff, sentences Del and his cronies to two thousand hours of community service under the watchful eye of Will, saying "ya'll would last about as long as a pecan pie at a boardin' house if I sent you to the state pen."

And you'll just have to watch the film to see how it ends.